I am coming out as a Disabled Student.

Inspired by others its about time I told people about the real me.

Like others at school I was bullied. I only had an interest in lessons where I didn't have to read much or write. I was bullied about my learning difficulties and weight. But hardly anyone took the time to find out what was wrong with me.

In year 2 I was tested for dyslexia and was considered bad enough to receive help which I got up to my GCSE's. My school at the time had backed me until two teachers said I wasn't that bad. However this wasn't to stay. I had another test and was found to have more then just dyslexia. I was diagnosed with pretty much no phonological memory, a short attention span and a low verbal IQ. This is when it hit home that I wasn't the same. I ended up re-sitting exams while at school because of my dyslexia, slow reading skills and no phonological memory to process information.

It was obvious after I left school that when I went for interviews or had to do written tasks as soon as I said I was dyslexic it was almost like I said I have two heads. people started treating me differently. One problem that has followed me around for years.

I've had help over the years to make me more comfortable while doing English tasks. I came to university and the only help I was given was a memory stick with programs that might help me and a dyslexia stick to put at the front of my work so they used a different marking scheme with my work. Until I hit my third year I then received some proper help. I received a woman who would help me with my spelling and grammar issues in work. In all my years of being in education the one thing I needed more then most was for someone to help proof check my work and help me to correct it. No one had really taken the time to help as they wanted the easy way out. But unfortunately there's no easy way out of being disabled. 

But just because I'm disabled doesn't mean people should treat me differently because of it. It doesn't mean I'll be on the TV show undatebles just so it bring pleasure to views who have know idea what its like to be disabled, and compared to others maybe I'm not severely disabled but a disability is a disability.

What you treat Tom Cruise differently?

What you treat Winston Churchill differently?

What about Albert Einstein?

or Richard Branson, Cher, Jamie Oliver, Orlando Bloom, Agatha Christie, Whoopi Goldberg or Muhammad Ali.

All the above people has dyslexia and funny enough look where they are now.

So consider this, would you want to be treated differently if YOU were disabled?

Future, University, God and The Bible

So far this year I've tried to do things differently, instead of relying on myself to do things I've relied more on God. After getting baptised and turning 21 last year it is about time I took a mature outlook on life.

This stage last year with my future as many of you know. The main problem was would I still be coming back to UCLAN or even Longton Community Church. This felt like home to me and I didn't want to leave. If anything I would of camped in a cardboard box to stay in Preston. Looking back I don't think I was in too much danger of not getting in to university for a third year however, this year is the main problem. I finish my degree and hopefully will graduate (again) with a 2:1 behind me in to the big bad world. But my dream for the past couple of years has been to be a teacher or lecturer and for that I need to spend at least another year at university. So with all the energy and prayer I had I attended an interview at the university which would of kept me at home in Preston only to find out after Christmas that Edgehill and Loughborough had rejected me. Edgehill didn't like me and the next one I wanted their course was full. So I'm not relying on derby and Sheffield so any prayers ill be accepted with open arms.

This year I decided I was going to read the bible in a year which so far is going good. I've found it amazing when people mention Genesis people can only tell you the main stories, Creation, Noah, Joseph. But just from reading it over the past months I've learned so much that will add to my walk with God. I've now moved on to Job which id never read before and it helps to create the message below.

I've found through reading Job and the rest of the bible that God doesn't give us more then we can handle even though sometimes it feels different, and in the past I've found it hard to praise God when times have been really bad but Job had a worse time then me. Being covered in sores from head to toe he stilled worshipped and praised God. I've found its amazing how someone can do that even through all their troubles. These a Christian speaker who talks about his troubles and through his childhood he life was turned upside down and he inspired me to write an earlier blog (John 20 verse 1-15) check it out it gets you thinking.

Along with the bible I read a book called the purpose driven life that I'd recommend to anyone I found it helped me a lot. But one sentence from the book still sticks with me "God only puts worry in our life to tell us that we are drifting from him". When we recognise this to be true we go back to god and realise that the worry disappears.

So my advice to you is not to worry which can seem harder then it sounds and just pray to God. He's got the answers for you.

God has time, a place and answer for you so just keep praying.

2013 and First's

So happy new year to all that read this. I've been starting to write blogs but after a while struggled for topic areas so I thought this would be a good one to start on.

Since it is a new year there's a lot of people saying that this is their year and I'm no different. This is my year.

This is my year to graduate from university again. This is my first year in captaincy,  This is my year to seriously think about my career. This is my year to think about where I want to live (Preston or Nottingham).

This year I've created another bucket list for this year with some of the things being more specific to the first 5 months of the year. This year is my random year of stuff. So as an audience you could have some influence on some things I do with in this year.

So far the things were have come up with is:
Lose two and a half stone,
Having a McDonalds on Christmas day,
Get a 2:1 at university,
Read the bible everyday.

While I write this I've figured out I need to do something for lent this year. So any suggestions are welcome and I'll see what people say.

As you can tell my list is short at the moment but adding this with some of the things on my bucket list blog then I have a few more but any suggestions are welcome

Wanting. Getting. But in the end not happy.

Since its been a months since my last blog I thought that its about time that I write a new one.

Its amazing how troubled one person can become with their own thoughts. But add others in to it and it gets even more confusing. I don't mean the thoughts of what someone thinks of a song, cake, football team or even diet coke. Its also amazing that people say if I have that I'll be happy, or if I have that my life will be complete. But will it? Truthfully? There's been times in my life when I've been like that. Like in May when all I wanted to do was get in to UCLAN to do my top up, that's all I wanted.

In June I was ruled out of sport and all I wanted to do was recover as quickly as possible to go and play cricket again, later on that year I had a minor health scare and all I wanted to do was to get the results back as quickly as possible. The downside was when I had recovered I still couldn't play and even when I got the results back I still wasn't happy. Just momentarily satisfied.

If we take sport again all I wanted was for my team Mansfield town to win the league to regain league status however how long does bragging rights of winning the league count for? Even then after they won the league my focus switched to can we stay in the league. So once again, wanting getting but in the end not happy.

There have been so many events in my life where I’ve wanted something but not been happy afterwards. But all the way through this there has been one person who has helped to guide me. Jesus. He’s done some wonderful things in my life its unreal. He guided me after my granddads death, he guided me after I got rejected from university twice, he’s helped me to get through times and problems that without him wouldn’t of been possible.

He is certainly one area of my life that I've wanted, got and certainly been happy afterwards.

Last week I had a job interview, it came up with a difficult decision. Either find the job and stay in Nottingham or go back to Preston for another years studying. I know now which one I should do but what happens after this year do I then come back to Notts or stay in Preston. So even when I have a decision made for me and I want it am I still not happy. Its amazing how Life is like this and the different ways people deal with things. Just remember God will Help!!!

What are you looking for (John 20 verse 1-7 & 10-17)

What are you looking for?

So this is first blog that is specifically written around one my favourite stories in the bible. In the bible the title says The Empty Tomb.

I've had some dark days in my life without asking God to help me through them. But after reading this story I can't not ask God for help when this get down.

The one thing I've taken from the story is that you have to ask God for help and as soon as he says your name, everything will change. But he will only say your name when you ask! Verse 15 Jesus has to ask Mary who she's looking for before he can tell her that he's not the gardener. Jesus had to ask Mary Magdalene who she was looking for before he could answer.

What you have to remember is it doesn't matter how messed up you are, how far you feel away from God, how alone you feel. God will answer you. In verse 15 Mary's response to Jesus is " Sir if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him and I will go and get him". Mary wasn't big enough to bring Jesus back but there was something about this dead man that she had to see just one last time. At some point during that Jesus would have had to of stopped all time and space to return to his Father to say let me say her name, She's weeping and I need to let her know that everything is ok.

I remember a time when I felt so far away from God, pretty much screaming his name to help me and its only when I admitted from the bottom of my heart that I needed him he said my name. He Said My Name.

A lot of of us sometimes feel like we have to see Jesus to confirm that he's there, that we, like Thomas verse 25, have to see the nail holes in his hands. But think about Moses and the burning bush, there were signs but he never waited to see God, he heard God and a lot of us don't listen because we want the physical presence instead of spiritual presence.

So here's the question for you: What Are You Looking For?
I don't mean this stuff: money, popularity, good looks.
I mean: a saviour, love, a family.

So What Are You Looking For?

Inspiration Number 1 Rebecca.

Until this year I had a cousin called Rebecca. Her story is a sad one but its one that has inspired me since her passing. She was 24 when she was diagnosed with brain cancer and was only given two years to live. A lot of people would think that this would be sad and yes I do miss her, however, she always looked at life with a positive outlook. Shortly after she was diagnosed with cancer she was determined that she would see her 30th birthday. This was her main objective. This would mean shed have to live longer then those 2 years that they'd given to her.

I remember the fateful day that I was told about it and not feeling like I was close to god at the time didn't seem to help. Ever since that day her determination never stopped. I suppose somewhere someone prayer for her and looking back I might have done too. I never saw her that often but I remembered one time that I did see her 2 years later. It was strange to see that this young lady who had lovely hair and a slim figure to change so quickly. When I saw her shed lost this lovely hair and the slim figure but it was definitely her. That smile and the way that she talked.

Looking back it was sad to say that was the last time I saw her a live. I went off to university up north and Rebecca became weaker and weaker. Then the fateful day came. I remember it well I was out with friends celebrating what one of them had achieved. I got the text on the way to the first event. The first event couldn't of been a better way of taking out my frustration that a young lady had been taken away from us at such a young age. At least there was one good piece of news. shed gone quietly in her sleep and that she was no longer suffering.

I remember the funeral like it was yesterday, the songs were perfect for her: Aerosmith, I Don't Want to Miss a Thing and Bon Jovi, Bed of Roses. Two beautiful songs for a beautiful family member. Even though she's know longer with us she's had a massive impact on inspiring me. Although that's not the end of the story.

The bad news is she passed away when she was 28, four years had passed since she had been given the cancer news but she never gave up on trying to reach 30. The moral of the story that I've got is that: never give up, even if it seems impossible because even the word impossible has the word possible in it. Look in the bible at David and Goliath did David give up. No. Look at Roger Banister no one said he could run a mile in under 4 minutes but he did.

Just because it seems impossible doesn't mean that it is with God. Everything is possible and he'll tell you what's possible.

University, Friends and Religion.

I started my third year of university in September. I knew it would be hard knowing the fact I was in my final year and that I was moving from just outside of Preston to the main campus. Talk about awkwardness. Knowing that I was a third year but feeling like a fresher, not knowing anyone in my selected modules and not knowing the lecturers as I had at Myerscough. the first week came round pretty quickly and time dragged that week. It took the Mic.

Everything felt like it had changed and I was ready that week to walk out on university and return to the place where my family was....... home. But something seemed to change after that week, It was like the lecturers knew what we were going to say, whatever we said they agreed with. the main problem I had was telling the course leader that I had an operation and that I wasn't going to be doing practical for a while and I prayed about it with a friend at church, knowing that if he said no to me being on the course then I'd be bound for Nottingham. To my surprise he advised I took more time off then the hospital had given to me. success number 1.

So after feeling like that fresher again it was time to bite the bullet and make the new friends like I had done in the first year, and like last year double the amount of work I did and the amount of time I would be in the library. Well so far that's going to plan. the friends is going all right too but it hasn't been with its ups and downs. Helping them with work or just socialising with them. But in retrospect its my old friends that have come through for me.

The Myerscough friends I'd made really seems to of helped me this year, knowing that we all have that safety net to fall back on knowing that we'd help each other out. knowing that the big piece of work I've got for one module is going better then I expected. Knowing that your friends come to you for advice, help and comfort boosted me trough first few weeks, having people during the summer having people asking me when are you coming back home to Preston, I even had someone declare to me that Preston was and is my home.

I had someone who has helped me a lot during my time at university and during my church time up here. I think if he wasn't here now, I wouldn't be in Preston. University would of finished after second year and I'm proud to say he's my friends and a fellow Christian a lot of people underestimate the unimportance of religion but its saved my life, my university life and my friends.