Decisions....

Have you ever had that moment in your life when you don't know which way to go, you feel like your at cross roads, or just feel like your in the middle of nowhere with no one around you.

I found recently that all these decisions can come up all at once. Since I've been university the first 2 and a bit years have flown by. Its now got to the stage where I've got to think about where I want to live, the type of job I want, which county or even country I want to live in. These decisions have been bothering me for a while now and its amazing how much thinking time you get when you've got nothing to do.

Everyday we're presented with problems and our choices and decisions impact what we do and how we do it. I attended a meeting the other day where I took the decision to pray for a friend of mine. God compelled me to pray for him. I prayed a prayer that I have never prayed before. After praying this he looked in to my eyes and God gave him the knowledge that he needed to know about me and through him God answered a prayer and thankfully it had a good answer. He took the decision to tell me the answer God gave him. A quote that I was also heard that night was "show me your friends and I'll show you your future". Never before has this quote been so easily brushed a side but is so easy to see from the outside.

We have decisions round us everyday, some hard some not. For me I was job searching the other day and found a job that would be perfect however it took me a while to figure out if I should go for it. but one thought came to me. "If I get it and something better comes a long then I can always leave".

I had a hard decision to make recently. My dad as taken in to hospital and the first diagnose wasn't brilliant. my decision was either to return home and not do a specific coaching course, or return home. But the thing is when we get decisions like this we often decide without thinking about it. If I had of returned home what could I of done. He was in hospital with doctors and nurses caring for him. the decision I took.... was to stay were I was.

Another decision I had to make during the winter was weather I wanted to take the captaincy for this coming season. the decision was playing this season as captain or play this season and get back to the standard I was at before my long term injury took too much toll on me. After taking it I can already see it having a good effect on me and improving me and others with Gods help.

Some of our decisions can come back to haunt us. As we look in the bible one story crops up with decisions and its the story of the talents. the basics of the story is that two people go away and double when their master gave them and the third person keeps what the master gave him and did nothing with it. When the master came back he was happy with the first two but not with the second. this decision came back to haunt him.

However the main this is being able to live with the decisions that we make and maybe accepting sometimes that we were wrong or that are more then one way to do something. I think the most declined decision that most people make in this world is not seeking help when its readily available.

Skills, losing them and realising potential.

Its funny how he saying goes "you don't know what you've got till its gone or if you don't use it you'll lose it".

Well I thought I'd flip this round to see if you could do things that you didn't know you could do.

Recently I embarked on a few tough tasks to see if I could do what I never thought I could do or after having time off to see if I could still put those skills I had to use.

It all started recently when I served with my church on a ministry called Inside Out. Fantastic ministry. I embarked on some jobs in this area that I have never done before. I spent a week serving in different peoples houses or at the offices. in one house I found out that I had skills that I had never really used and didn't even know that I had. I had some idea about decorating and so it came as no shock when we got asked to decorate a ladies house which to be honest was fun and full of personal reward. However that wasn't the bit that surprised me.

The following day after decorating we returned and decided to lay a new carpet for her. To my surprise I was asked to assist even though I'd never laid one before and there was plenty of people there who had laid plenty of them and to my surprise it was fairly simple. Taking up the old carpet and carpet rods to then lay a new carpet and complete the removal of the old one.

It was amazing to see that I had these new skills that I didn't know I had and knowing what I know now not only will help me but will also help others too.

The second half of this blog is on skills that we might of lost or having something and then losing it but with a twist.

The first bit is on sport. I played my first game in nearly a year on Saturday and my second game on Sunday and its good to see that even though I have trained in a year or even bowled or batted that I still have the skills I had before and more then the last time I played.

This part is the hardest bit for me to write. This bit is on current affairs in my life. Having something then losing it. There's two close people that I know who are both got serious bad health. One is very close to me and another is a former work friend. The former work friend is slowly getting better and so is the other person. But I got a phone call the other week about one of the people and the question I'll ask is have you ever had someone so seriously ill that you've prepared yourself emotionally?

I have.

Its something that's hard to deal with when you get told the news and every day there's another piece of the jigsaw coming in and you have to try and fit it all together. I thought I was going to lose someone very dear to me however that was not the case. At least not yet anyway.

Its funny how life can kick us when we feel nothing can hurt us. However its funny that when we find something that we thought was lost or not using it can come in pretty handy.

Just look in the bible. The woman who had 10 coins and then lost one she looked for it until she found it and she through a party because she found 1 coin.

Look at the three servants who were given coins and two multiplied what they were given and one didn't.

So I guess my main question for you readers is this:

Are you going to find something that was lost and use it to multiply something for you or others

OR

Are you going to just sit back and not both looking and hope that what you have is enough?

Experiences with God

Last week, while I was serving at a youth ministry with my church. I was on stage and after giving my testimony I got asked a question that stumped me for a bit.

I was brought up in a Christian home so I've always been a Christian. The question I was asked was:

"When did you have your first experience with God".

If anyone could of looked in my head at that moment you wouldn't of found a lot of action. You could of heard a pin drop.

I thought it was such a good question that it deserved a mention and maybe an explanation.

I've actually had two experiences with God. The first was when I was 16/17 I'd left church due to being beaten up and being put in hospital decided that I wouldn't go to church but I still prayed and read my bible every so often but my faith was pretty much gone. I got asked if I wanted to go to spring harvest from a family from my church in Nottingham and so I decided to go.

I sat near the back and sang the songs but unknown to me god was working in me. For some unknown reason I decided that I needed to buy a new bible, I had no idea why but I knew I needed one. Towards the end of the week I felt something stirring in me from my soul. this feeling was like a pain in my heart but not a heart attack pain, the pain you get when you've lost someone and then found them. I remember flinging my arms in the air and singing the songs out with all my heart. I started to pray during one of the songs for anything and everything, I remember apologising for everything I'd done and for turning my back on god when I should of asked him why things happened.

I'd never had this feeling before and I wanted it to leave me. I felt alive.

However that's not the end of the story. Due to various reasons I didn't go to church after that the cricket season came and so did long lie ins. However when I was 20 I had my next experience with God.

I joined a local church when I came to Preston and as soon as I walked in it felt like god spoke to me. I had found my home but that wasn't the experience this blog is about. I'd never been baptised and so I heard there was a baptism service coming up so I put my name down for it. But before that happened I was in church and the preacher asked if anyway needs help with their faith and wants prayer, that they should come to the front and get prayer. For some unknown reason I went to the front and knelt. I got prayer from a good friend of mine and I felt the holy spirit come in to me, it was a feeling I had from spring harvest and I never wanted it to leave me. For some unknown reasons my emotions started to bolt straight to my eyes. Good news I didn't cry. I felt with this feeling that anything was possible. God started to move more in my life and made my take on challenges that I never thought id do or could do.

The good news is God is still moving in my life and new challenges and opportunities are coming up all the time that I'm loving. Just being able to participate in church as a leader, volunteer or just a member of the church I feel like god has placed my at my home and where I need to be for the next chapter of my life.

Life is like a railway.

People describe life as a journey or a road. each has a start and an end but do you really think it describes what lives journey is. Cause I don't.

I see life like a railway. Your the engine and friends, family, work colleagues, students, friends of friends are like the coaches of the railway. Each coach holds people, luggage which all relates to memories. The people who cause you trouble are like the wagons, full of dirty horrible memories that you just don't want to know or hold on to for that long but sometimes they stay for a while.

But to me the life described as a railway helps to create a mental picture of what life really is. The truck is your life and you can in a straight life. Sometimes you derail and its a matter of getting back on track. Other times you choose to came off one track and take another so switching points as they say. Other times there's a barrier in front of you and you have to go round corners to get past it.

In life you also get times when its an uphill struggle or times when you enter an unknown path and you just cant see through it. Kind of like a tunnel and its those times that God helps up. Guiding us through the hard times when we cant see an outcome but we know that our trust in him helps to get us through.

Hills, everyone struggles every now and then it does feel like were on an up hill struggle. Its times like that that we need a support engine or in human terms a friends. it helps to have friends that can help support the heavy load or help to push us through hard times, and once we're over the brow of the hill they run freely with us.

Sometimes people think too much about the past, what their pulling a long with them. Sometimes its better to decouple what your past wagons and then continue your journey. You'll find it much easier. Sometimes people look behind them at what they're pulling sometimes you cant see the end of it. how many wagons do you need to see behind you before you break?

Maybe think about it like this:
Are you the Flying Scotsman? Strong, powerful, forever pulling long trains.

Are you the Mallard? Fast, strong, sometimes rushing around to much that you miss things and sometimes have to go back on yourself.

Are you The Rocket? Different, something new, reliable, still going strong after all these years.

Are you a tank engine? Always staying in contact with people , working hard?

Maybe your like is like a railway, not a road journey.

Miracles do happen.

As some of you might of guessed from my title this blog will contain a miracle from my recent life. The miracle was so surprising that I'm still shocked now by it.

As a lot of you know this is supposed to be my final year at university however I applied to do a PGCE which if I completed it would allow me to be a lecture at university. I applied at four universities, Edgehill, Loughborough, Derby and Sheffield Hallam.

Just before Christmas I had an interview at my number one choice, Edgehill. Unfortunately I found out in my first week back at university in January that they rejected me. On the same day Loughborough had rejected but there course was full. For the best part of a month after hearing back from them I waited for Derby to get back to me and on one Saturday night they did.

It was a shock to hear back from a university on a Saturday however I got the email saying that they were going to reject me from the PGCE course and coupled on that email was Sheffield saying they were rejecting me because their course was full. I went for a drive to clear my head and talked and prayed silently while inside it felt like my world had collapsed.

I spoke to some people at church the morning before I went to see my adopted family and went looking for advice and help. Most of the people had the same thing to say. Don't go home, stay here. To be honest and fair, I'd love to stay in Preston. There's a church that feels like home and everyone is helpful and they've helped me through some bad times and helped create good times as well.

I woke up on the Monday afternoon and to my surprise there was an email from Derby offering me an interview. I emailed them back asking if it was for real considering they had rejected me and they said yes. I've got my interview in a couple of weeks and hopefully it'll go better then the Edgehill one.

So in 48 hours I had gone from being destroyed to completely over joyed. However I did something in the first couple of hours after receiving the two rejection notes. I praised god for the pain that that was causing me. a lot of you wont understand why but i prayed for about 20 minutes praising god and thanking him for putting me through that.

See I'm not the only one who goes through pain, suffering.... We all do.
I'm not the only one who's felt like he has no future.... We all have.
I'm not the only one to worry... We all do

Any Christian will tell you the story of Job and how he had a bad life and he still praised god through his suffering and pain. But at the end of the day its about standing tall, sticking your chest out and accepting that pain will happen and with friends you can get through it.

I am coming out as a Disabled Student.

Inspired by others its about time I told people about the real me.

Like others at school I was bullied. I only had an interest in lessons where I didn't have to read much or write. I was bullied about my learning difficulties and weight. But hardly anyone took the time to find out what was wrong with me.

In year 2 I was tested for dyslexia and was considered bad enough to receive help which I got up to my GCSE's. My school at the time had backed me until two teachers said I wasn't that bad. However this wasn't to stay. I had another test and was found to have more then just dyslexia. I was diagnosed with pretty much no phonological memory, a short attention span and a low verbal IQ. This is when it hit home that I wasn't the same. I ended up re-sitting exams while at school because of my dyslexia, slow reading skills and no phonological memory to process information.

It was obvious after I left school that when I went for interviews or had to do written tasks as soon as I said I was dyslexic it was almost like I said I have two heads. people started treating me differently. One problem that has followed me around for years.

I've had help over the years to make me more comfortable while doing English tasks. I came to university and the only help I was given was a memory stick with programs that might help me and a dyslexia stick to put at the front of my work so they used a different marking scheme with my work. Until I hit my third year I then received some proper help. I received a woman who would help me with my spelling and grammar issues in work. In all my years of being in education the one thing I needed more then most was for someone to help proof check my work and help me to correct it. No one had really taken the time to help as they wanted the easy way out. But unfortunately there's no easy way out of being disabled. 

But just because I'm disabled doesn't mean people should treat me differently because of it. It doesn't mean I'll be on the TV show undatebles just so it bring pleasure to views who have know idea what its like to be disabled, and compared to others maybe I'm not severely disabled but a disability is a disability.

What you treat Tom Cruise differently?

What you treat Winston Churchill differently?

What about Albert Einstein?

or Richard Branson, Cher, Jamie Oliver, Orlando Bloom, Agatha Christie, Whoopi Goldberg or Muhammad Ali.

All the above people has dyslexia and funny enough look where they are now.

So consider this, would you want to be treated differently if YOU were disabled?

Future, University, God and The Bible

So far this year I've tried to do things differently, instead of relying on myself to do things I've relied more on God. After getting baptised and turning 21 last year it is about time I took a mature outlook on life.

This stage last year with my future as many of you know. The main problem was would I still be coming back to UCLAN or even Longton Community Church. This felt like home to me and I didn't want to leave. If anything I would of camped in a cardboard box to stay in Preston. Looking back I don't think I was in too much danger of not getting in to university for a third year however, this year is the main problem. I finish my degree and hopefully will graduate (again) with a 2:1 behind me in to the big bad world. But my dream for the past couple of years has been to be a teacher or lecturer and for that I need to spend at least another year at university. So with all the energy and prayer I had I attended an interview at the university which would of kept me at home in Preston only to find out after Christmas that Edgehill and Loughborough had rejected me. Edgehill didn't like me and the next one I wanted their course was full. So I'm not relying on derby and Sheffield so any prayers ill be accepted with open arms.

This year I decided I was going to read the bible in a year which so far is going good. I've found it amazing when people mention Genesis people can only tell you the main stories, Creation, Noah, Joseph. But just from reading it over the past months I've learned so much that will add to my walk with God. I've now moved on to Job which id never read before and it helps to create the message below.

I've found through reading Job and the rest of the bible that God doesn't give us more then we can handle even though sometimes it feels different, and in the past I've found it hard to praise God when times have been really bad but Job had a worse time then me. Being covered in sores from head to toe he stilled worshipped and praised God. I've found its amazing how someone can do that even through all their troubles. These a Christian speaker who talks about his troubles and through his childhood he life was turned upside down and he inspired me to write an earlier blog (John 20 verse 1-15) check it out it gets you thinking.

Along with the bible I read a book called the purpose driven life that I'd recommend to anyone I found it helped me a lot. But one sentence from the book still sticks with me "God only puts worry in our life to tell us that we are drifting from him". When we recognise this to be true we go back to god and realise that the worry disappears.

So my advice to you is not to worry which can seem harder then it sounds and just pray to God. He's got the answers for you.

God has time, a place and answer for you so just keep praying.